After writing this post, I decided that I needed to have “You deserve to take breaks!” written somewhere prominent where I would see it every day. I have a dry erase board above my computer (which is pink and has Miss Piggy on it because that’s how I roll). I would write it on there!
I grabbed my dry erase marker and started writing. I got to the word take and the marker went on strike. Not died, per say, because it would write on paper or elsewhere on the dry erase board but it refused to let me write the end of that sentence. I had one of those moments. Was the universe telling me that I, in fact, do not deserve to take breaks?
No, that’s silly. I start to search for a new dry erase marker. As I rummaged through the drawer, several things fell out, each of them connected to a project that I’ve been meaning to finish for years now that still lies undone. It was a physical reminder of my long To Do List, like the things I had left to do were leaping out to remind me of their existence. Were they trying to tell me that, until they were all done, I didn’t deserve any breaks?
That’s silly, I told myself. But as I dug through the drawer I found many more To Dos and never saw any more dry erase markers even though I know I have more of them. I finally gave up figuring I’d find more later. Reminded of all the work there was still left to do, I didn’t have it in me to finish writing my resolution anyway.
So now, above my computer, is printed “You deserve to take…” with the word “breaks” after it as pale as a ghost just about to disappear. It’s a whisper. Does it even exist? Do I deserve to take breaks after all?
If that isn’t a sad metaphor for the way my life is right now, I don’t know what is…