You shouldn’t judge people. After all, you don’t know the whole situation. You don’t know what it’s like in their shoes.
So when your friend from high school asks for a loan because he can’t afford to get his car fixed and then a week later his Facebook status brags about the island vacation he just booked, you aren’t supposed to judge. Even if you sure as hell aren’t going on a fancy island vacation. Even if you probably would have paid your friends back before you spent yet more money you didn’t have.
And when you co worker spends the whole lunch break in tears after a breakdown about how deep in debt they are, you aren’t supposed to judge when she later spends the entire windfall of a larger than expected tax refund by buying a massive television. You’re supposed to say, “Why, yes, of course you deserved a special treat after all that worrying about money!” instead of pointing out that maybe that money should have gone, I don’t know, to alleviate some of that debt she was crying about?
And you sure aren’t supposed to judge when someone complains that their business would be just as successful as yours but they just don’t have any time to work on it! Oh! But did you watch American Idol last night? Oh, you didn’t? Well, I’d work on my business too but there’s just so many good shows on!
Basically, what I’m saying is that I suck at this.
Judge me if you will.
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what if you complain that you have no money to pay the bills, but then once every couple of months you go out and spend $20-$40 so you don’t become a hermit or a crazy person? b/c that’s me. my mom always criticizes me for it… but is $40 every now and again really a splurge these days? friendships and relationships are important to keep up and it seems more often than not, they require money to keep up. everyone wants to “go out” and i simply can’t afford it. Yet I do.. go out… every once in a while so people don’t forget about me. my hope is that soon, it won’t break the bank to have lunch or dinner with friends.
also, I think ppl who watch a lot of tv aren’t ALWAYS lazy, so much as lacking direction and know-how sometimes. really it helps to be networked, so you can always form new ideas and strategies by bouncing them off of other people. but some people are better at networking than others. most people who would like to start a business or make theirs better stick to the status quo b/c they are afraid of failure. your success is largely in part due to you being unafraid to take chances, put yourself out there, and keep plugging away. it is hard for the self-doubters.
i’m weird because I am, one half of me, a go-getter, always at odds with the other half of me, a self-doubter. So I take chances people wouldn’t, I plod ahead when some would give up, but I don’t have all the success I should for my skills b/c my self-doubt gets in my way. Sorry if this is getting tangential to your post, but this is just what your post made me think about…
I myself maybe would put less bitterness into this (I generally try not to get all riled up about what others do with their lives. Its their problems, after all 🙂 ), but judging? Oh yes.
I am absolutely positive that any person can change whatever it is that is perceived as problem if only he/she puts his/her mind to it. Another question is: do they REALLY want to change it? Really? After all, it is soooo convenient to have a handy explanation whenever someone is “out of line” enough to ask straight: “So why don’t you?” Then there’s that automatic “I don’t have enough time”, “I don’t have enough money”, “I don’t know how” etc. There is an explanation to every possible “why don’t you” in the world. But do those explanations really answer the question? Not in my book they don’t. Knowledge can be acquired by sitting your ass in front of the PC and typing some search words into the magical Google (I’m not even talking about getting it together enough to sign up for any classes that would help). Money can be acquired by working instead of whining. Time? I have two small kids, study a very difficult foreign language for three hours each day, take care of my home and am starting my business. And I have to listen to all the complaints about lack of time from my friend who’s got one kid, no language courses, no job and a husband who spends half his time helping her at home. Time management anyone? And let’s not even get started about “its just the way I am”…
Don’t I ever whine? Oh my, of course I do! And even publicly in my blog! But I really try to make whining more of an exception than a rule, and after a session of self-pity I still get up and go do something constructive about whatever it is that I’m whining about, and not lie down before the TV because I don’t have time for the more helpful things that would better my life and take away my so-comfortable reasons for whining 🙂
I hear you. I’ve been irked lately in reading articles and blog posts that claim people are only successful (as in making a good amount of money) if they’re somehow lucky. Never mind that most success takes hard work and sacrifice. The guy who goofed off all through school and then whines about someone else making a lot more money only has himself to blame. It always ticks me off because I grew up poor and have worked hard to be successful in both my day job and my online business. It’s insulting to have my accomplishments dismissed as nothing more than luck.
Ah well, I suppose it’s easier to sit on your duff and complain or play the victim than it is to actually do something to improve your situation. I’m trying to develop a thicker skin about it, but it’s not easy 🙂
What you are judging harshly is others’ percieved powerlessness. The propensity for others to deem themselves powerless over their circumstances so they no longer feel obliged to do anything about them.
This “strategy” is pervasive in our culture. Take the following misnomer: “I don’t have the time.” Really? I thought you got 24 hours in a day just like everyone else. You only getting 20 hours? 18 hours? 23?
When you say you don’t have the time, what you’re really saying is that you don’t have the priority. And while you can’t do much about the number of hours in a day, you can always shift your priorities.