(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I can not believe you have a how to scam ebay amazon book available for sale. Where are your morals? You possibly could be partially responsible for many fraudulent transactions that may have taken place. Good luck to you and your business.

This is a real email I received yesterday. Multiple copies of it. At first, I thought it was a weird spam thing until I actually read the message. I tried replying back and never got a reply so we’re going to do this Open Letter style on the off-chance another lost soul is on the same bizarre wavelength.

Dear Very Confused Person,

I too cannot believe I have a “How to scam eBay Amazon” book mostly because I don’t. Did you perhaps, like many a Googler before you, find this article from 2008: How to scam eBay sellers and get all your items for free! Even 6 years later, that’s still the single most popular post on this entire blog, something that makes me fret about the moral fiber of my average reader on a daily basis. I understand that you read that post and became so incensed that you had to send me multiple copies of that message above but not so incensed that you read it again and realized you’d missed the key point of the entire post.

My morals are right where I left them which is tucked safely away in my right armpit. You’d be less concerned about the whereabouts and general well being of my morals if you’d read the post again and come to realize that, far from advertising my own eBay/Amazon Scam-a-ganva books as you gleaned, I was actually expressing annoyance and frustration about a book on scamming on eBay that someone else had published. In fact, the entire post is decrying that very book and its existence.

Who, exactly, did you think you were emailing when you sent that message? Did you honestly thing I was the author and had written a post decrying… my own book? Or do you assume that anyone mentioned in a blog post is somehow magically cc-ed on messages sent to the author? It would, frankly, explain most of the comments on TMZ if people are under the impression that Lady Gaga herself is reading their impassioned opinions on how her music “SUX.” But, alas, I am only Hillary “The Whine Seller” DePiano and, while I have written many books, none of them are about scamming on eBay or Amazon so your rage is misplaced.

And, in a way, I suppose I could be responsible for all sorts of things directly, indirectly, or even but-I-really-want-to-directly but, alas, whatever scams are being committed in my name on Amazon or eBay are doing so without my blessing and, perhaps worst of all, without my making any profit from it.

I assume your last line is meant to be a scathing sarcastic comment to the evil scammer author cult-leader figure you think I am (which also explains the user name you gave that implies you hope my scams get audited which… what?) but sarcasm is kind of an advanced concept I’d recommend you leave off for later when you’re a little more adept at the basics like, I don’t know, basic reading comprehension.

Though, you know, now that I think of it… that post IS the most popular one on this blog… and if other confused readers think I’m writing scam guides to Amazon and eBay… coupled with the traffic, SEO, keyword synergy… hmmm… Maybe you’re right, sir! Maybe I should go write a book on scamming on eBay and Amazon…

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some writing to do! 😉